it’s weird how people say “follow your dreams” instead of “follow your ambitions” because once i had a dream where i worked for a place that tried to genetically engineer ducks to speak english except the ducks only criticized people’s fashion sense
today in science we had this sub nd the other people went outside so it was just me and a couple friends so we flipped all the chairs upside down and formed a satanic star in the middle of the room w yard sticks and i laid in t he middle of th floor while all the other people acted like they were sacrificing me th en the sub came in and the only thing he said was “oh not again”
bisexual people aren’t more likely to cheat in relationships but we are more likely to cheat at cards, while lesbians are most likely to cheat at jenga, and genderqueer people often cheat at mario kart
God: Gabe, stop, I’m working. Gabriel: I WANT TO MAKE SOMETHING TOOOOOOO! God: Here’s a box of parts, go nuts. God: -several hours later- Gabe? Where are you, my son? Gabriel: DAD, LOOKIT! God: Dafuq is that? Gabriel: A PLATYPUS!